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| And it is always me, myself and I.
Where are you when I need you?
Don't give me bull shit. I'm alone.
I handle my own problems. I console myself, because no one even thinks to do that. I don't want advice, I want to be consoled. You pretty much suck at it. Is me crying not enough for you to care?
Stupid asshole.
Oh yeah, no one's ever been sweet to me. I wish you were.
I stay awake alone at night, and I can't reach you, because you don't want to help me. I'd love to call, but you don't hear me. I'm tired of desperately trying to be near you, but always, you deny me, and ignore me.
it's hard to love you, then again you don't consider my love as love. there really is no escape. I just want to forget everything. If you don't want me, fine, but don't toy with me.
I love you, but that means nothing, right?
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| Lately, I can't stand myself. I can't stand to be alone by myself. I don't know what to do with myself. I try to convey these thoughts to other people, but they just don't see how serious I am. Or maybe, it isn't that big of a deal that I feel the way that I feel. And here I am back to xanga, I realized the most efficient way for me to express how I feel without feeling even worse than I already did, was to type it up all on here. At least xanga does not make me feel like a failure. It doesn't make me feel like a selfish bitch. It doesn't make me think I should just shut up. I don't regret writing on here, because this web blog doesn't respond back to me; it won't yell at me, it won't ignore me, it won't make me feel like crap. I want and need to be comforted first before you start giving me the harsh advice I need.
My heart is broken.
And nobody gets that. No one cares that I cry. And you, I ask you for help, but you don't even hear me anymore. I'm expected to love myself and to like myself, but you make it hard to do.
I've never felt good enough. Not in anything. Not for anyone. I am in a constant struggle to remind myself that my life is worth living, and it isn't nearly as bad as it could be. I don't deserve to be happy, yet I am not allowed to be sad.
So, really, where does that leave me? I'm alone. That is how I feel. The person that I want to be there for me, can't and won't. So where do I go? What do I do with myself?
It sucks that I am not easy to love.
I didn't want you telling people about our situation...It makes me feel ashamed.
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| back to the beginning. Why am I never satisfied with myself? I wish I were prettier, and I wish I were amazing.
Ma-ha.
I don't know how to vent without making things too obvious. Yah.
It is Christmas season, I am not feeling it.
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| I am her. I am daughter, sister, friend, student, teacher, lover, preacher.
I do not limit myself, to "hey girl hey" or "where you at?"
i've learned parts of the ancient language called grammar
where er's are prounounced. and there are no such things as "more better"
where in the world, finna is obsolete
but feel like going is the truth
i am past those fake me's
i am person. i am my own.
he does not call me "mah girl"
i have a name.
i was born, God blessed me
i can stand on my own
i do not need friends
who are there when everything is fun
when all it is haha, and aw'right
i need ones that have a shoulder to lend
or a few harsh words, or a slap to knock some sense into me
i belong to the world, but i belong to myself
future
future, that is what i seek
a happy one. a successful one
i dont want to be a slave to fitting in
to those hoochie mamas, with no
self
respect.
to those "men" who have nothing to say but,
"come on lets do it"
no, i'm way past that
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| Since this is a homework assignment, and it is a journal, might as well do it on here.
Well, the quote
is understandable, because when you rise to greatness, you have to step on
quite a few people to get where you ought to be. Also, people would not get
your goals and what you intend to do. Also, there will always be people who
will be jealous of you and your greatness, I mean, they want what you have, and
they don't have it. If you are on top, looking down on people, they can only
hold some kind of grudge because they believe in things that they have
concocted in their pitiful mind. They won't understand what you are trying to
do, because you don't explain. A lot of celebrities these days, or politicians,
they have such power, but they are often hated because all the gossip that
flies around about them and their secret agendas. After greatness, it seems
people have no ounce of humanity left, and so, "normal" people tend
to treat them differently, whether it may be good or bad. A man that
generously gives to a charity, it can be read as being condescending or being
sincerely kind. I mean, it doesn't even have to be celebrities, even in high
school it happens. All those who do well in school are often mislabeled, saying
they are losers or that they have no life. A lot of the time, many don't
understand that they do it in concern for their future, not because they have
nothing else to do. I've always thought that being a person of greatness if a
lonely kind of life, because well, no one can keep up with you, and no one can
understand what goes through your head. Your actions may just be perceived the
wrong way, and taken as the exact opposite of what it was meant to do. Even when
you mean to do something right, if you are someone who others look up to, it
might be taken as an act of arrogance.
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